Make Love Last, not Last
Who are the people that matter most to you? Maybe it’s a spouse or partner, a teen or adult child, or other family member. What about your closest friends and business associates?
Got those faces in your mind?
Now with those people in mind use this to gauge the health of those relationships.
“A good relationship is
when someone
accepts your past,
supports your present,
and encourages your future.”
Now… how healthy are those relationships?
Do they need a little TLC?
With Valentine’s Day coming up this weekend, I’ve been thinking about that third part especially. The first two are usually not that hard to accomplish. They happen more naturally.
But that third one – encouraging their future – can easily get lost in the shuffle of everyday life. But it’s in that shuffle, the “messy middle,” where it is MOST necessary to be intentional about it.
If we don’t make a point of encouraging their future, it’s easy for people to become lost in the “busy” of life, become discouraged and stay in “no man’s land”. They never reach their true potential.
If we want people to be the best version of themselves, we must help them see the possibilities for their future and encourage them to be the best they can be.
And if we want to be the best version of OUR selves, we need the same from them.
Encouragement is so important, because it delivers clarity and fuels hope inside us. It gives us courage to move forward.
I want to help you strengthen those most important relationships, so I’ve put together some secrets to successful relationships.
Being in a successful relationship is the goal for most, if not all, couples. It would be marvelous to receive a manual with the best relationship advice on how to go about creating a strong and desired union.
Unfortunately, that’s not the case. You and your partner are left to navigate those often turbulent waters on your own. But I have good news for you!
In this blog, I will provide you with 14 essential pieces of advice that, if implemented, will aid you in solidifying and strengthening even the rockiest of relationships.
Some of the advice may seem simplistic but don’t let the simplicity fool you. It is the simplicity that guarantees success. No success comes without work. Just as it is simply to do it will be simply not to do. The trick is in the action.
So, let’s begin…
1. Do Small Things
If you want to have a slam-dunk relationship, forget the big gestures (i.e., dinners at five-star restaurants, a diamond in the champagne glass, a trip to Bermuda, etc.).
No! As enticing as those may seem, they are short-term investments. If you want to have an incredible relationship, focus on the small, daily things. They may seem meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but those small gestures will create a trail of memories that will keep you warm in the coldest of nights.
What do I mean by small things?
It’s bringing your spouse something they need before they realize they need it. It’s pouring them a cup of coffee before you pour your own. It’s making the bed before they get out of the shower, or turning it down before they come to bed.
Those simple, seemingly insignificant things, are huge. They spell L O V E. They are an investment in your relationship. Don’t underestimate their importance.
2. Become Best Friends
Remember when you were in high school? You used to share everything with your best friend. If anything happened, good or bad, you’d call them to let them know. If there was anything on your mind, you’d pick up the phone and spend long hours talking.
Your spouse needs to become your best friend. Make them the person with whom you want to share your life. Then share it whether good, bad, or indifferent.
3. Lend an Ear
One thing we all love is to have someone who will listen when we have a problem.
“They weren’t seeking a solution to their problem. No, what they were seeking was an emotional release. They wanted to share and vent.”
In order to comfort someone, it’s not necessary to solve their problem. Quite often the best thing to do is just to listen.
If you are a woman, you may want your husband to listen, not to necessarily solve anything. If you’re a man reading this, you might be saying, “But I must solve the problem.” I am sure that you think you do. But frequently, the best thing to do is lend an ear, nod your head, and say, “It’s going to be OK.”
We all just want to be heard.
Lending an ear will go a long way into making your relationship stronger. Your partner will know they can come to you at any time and talk to their heart’s content. That, believe it or not, is a gift.
4. Write a Love Letter
You’re probably asking right now, “Write a love letter? What do you mean?”
I know, times have changed. You’re used to texting, emailing, or just picking up your phone. But I happen to feel that there’s nothing more romantic than receiving a love letter in the mail.
It may be old-fashioned, but it is truly romantic. No one who receives a love letter is going to say, “What the heck is this?” Nope. They are going to read it, savor the words, and save that letter forever.
For Valentine’s Day this year, try writing a love letter, it’s better than a box of chocolates and a dozen roses. Because long after the chocolate and flowers are gone, the letters will still remain!
Don’t allow technology to rob you of writing out your feelings on a piece of rose-scented paper!
Just write what you feel. That will be plenty good enough. Happy writing!
5. Take Care of Yourself
When you first got together, you probably looked your best. Better than you ever have. But what happens over time?
You might become comfy, and stop really caring about how you look. Maybe you’ve put on some weight. Or maybe you don’t dress up anymore because you don’t think you have to.
But why not? You want to see your spouse looking their best, right? That means they want you to look your best. It’s only fair.
“There’s a lot to be said in a marriage, or in a committed relationship, for taking care of each other. But more often than not, relationships that run into stormy weather do so because the people in it aren’t taking care of themselves. This seems fairly straightforward, that living your life in total emotional disarray will inevitably drag down your partner, and yet it’s surprising how often couples forget it. Let yourself go, and the odds are pretty good your relationship is going to go too.”
So what are some ways in which you can take care of yourself?
You can eat well, exercise, and give up any deadly habits so you can be there for your partner in your later years when you’ll need each other the most.
Give each other the gift of you, in the best way possible.
6. Pay Compliments
When you first start dating, you may have complimented your partner often. Over time, you might start to take them for granted and think, “They already know how I feel. Why do I have to say it?”
Why? Because it feels good to hear it.
It’s a reminder to your partner that you think they’re tremendous, that you’re happy you’re with them. You can compliment your partner on so many things: the delicious meal they cooked, the way they wear a certain outfit, how sweet they were for giving up the last piece for you, your appreciation for all they do to make your relationship special, etc.
I know for a fact you love to be complimented. Your partner does too. If you haven’t been doing that, watch the surprised and delighted expression on their faces when you do.
“Compliments are important to give to anyone, even a stranger; however, in a relationship they are doubly critical. Compliments show respect and are a fundamental building block of intimacy. Compliments show your partner that you appreciate them, see the awesome things they do, and recognize the good in them. This builds connection and helps your partner feel like they are seen, noticed, and loved.”
7. Lend a Helping Hand
From experience, I can tell you that you will feel really close to your partner when you follow this little piece of advice.
Allow me to illustrate.
You’re in the middle of making the bed. Your honey shows up out of nowhere and starts helping. The job is done in half the time. No going back and forth around the bed. Or let’s say you’re doing the dishes and your partner shows up, picks up a towel, starts drying and putting things away.
What a help! You would feel so appreciative. There are a million little things like this.
Look for ways to help your partner. It could be folding the laundry, housework, taking over parental duties (if applicable); doing a store run, etc. The list is endless.
How could you stay angry or feel bad about a partner that is always finding ways to help you?
8. Start and End the Day with a Kiss!
You might be wondering why this is important. It may seem like such a trivial act, but kissing is intimate; it’s endearing. And many couples don’t do it often enough, especially after they’ve been together for a while.
I’ve talked to many people who’ve told me they don’t ever kiss their partners. It’s non-existent in their relationship. But there is much value in a kiss.
“The value of a kiss is so important because it shows passion, intimacy, desire and how much you adore a person. It can reduce stress and help with anxiety as well. It is very important in lovemaking and relationships. The passion and all the other stuff can get lost in your everyday life of work and kids. It is important to kiss and keep the spark alive in your relationship. It is important to show your partner how much they mean to you. A quick kiss before you go to work can go a long way and mean more than you know.”
Kissing can be playful, loving, and passionate. It’s a way to let your partner know everything is okay. It relays feelings without having to say a word.
Kissing doesn’t just have to be in the morning or before bedtime. If you want to spice things up, surprise your spouse with a lingering kiss. You’re going to knock them off their feet!
9. Take Walks Together
One of my favorite things to do is to take walks. It is a relaxing time in which we share our day, discuss important matters, or simply chit chat about what’s going on in the world.
There are multiple benefits to going on those long walks. Not only are you outside getting fresh air, but you’re also exercising as a couple and bonding just by talking with each other.
If you and your partner incorporate daily walks, your relationship is sure to grow stronger. It’s a wonderful way to connect, and one that is sure to bring you closer.
10. Be the Yin to Their Yang
You and your partner are not identical twins. If you don’t believe me, look in the mirror. In fact, you probably chose someone very different from yourself. That’s a good thing. You wouldn’t want to be married to you, would you?
In your differences, there are opportunities to expand and grow. Sharing your points of view with each other can be quite enlightening. You may not always agree, but being open will allow you to learn new ways of being.
For example, your partner may be very spontaneous, and you more on the conservative side. Each of you can benefit from each other’s distinct personalities. There will be times when being spontaneous is an asset, and there will be times when you’ll be glad you were conservative.
Instead of tearing you apart, differences can add another layer to your relationship and yourself.
11. Share Quiet Moments
While you might imagine that getting close to your partner means always doing something together, that’s not necessarily the case. Sometimes all that is needed is to share some quiet moments together.
Sitting in the same room reading, listening to music, or just working on crafty projects side by side can be relaxing and fun. You don’t need to carry on a conversation, just sharing the same space is good enough.
Look for ways to share that quietude. Enjoy each other’s presence by just being present.
12. Check in With Each Other Throughout the Day
This is an easy thing to do and very rewarding. Checking in with your partner throughout the day lets them know that you are thinking of them.
They don’t have to be long conversations. A simple text with a heart emoji, or a, “Thinking of you!”; a call just to say, “How’re you doing?” is a substantial way to stay in touch.
Keep your partner informed of when you’ll be home, and let them know you can’t wait to see them.
Even as I write this, it seems so simple, not even worth the bother. But on the contrary, it is a terrific way to let your partner know they’re on your mind.
13. Forgive and Move On
In any relationship, someone will make a mistake. It’s inevitable. But this little piece of advice can save your relationship and allow you to move forward, and become stronger.
Forgive and move on.
Don’t hold mistakes over the person’s head like a guillotine. If they’ve genuinely apologized, accept it. If the mistake was a big one, like financial infidelity, or an affair, that will take more than an apology; perhaps additional work with an unbiased third party.
I’m talking about the small mistakes everyone makes (i.e., breaking a favorite personal item, not remembering your birthday or anniversary, forgetting to take out the trash on trash day, etc.). I’m referring to hurtful mistakes, not catastrophic ones.
Believe it or not, some people hang on to small slights forever. Don’t be that person. Talk about it, forgive the mistake, and move on. There will always be more mistakes, so don’t allow them to accumulate.
14. Compromise
This piece of advice is very important. A relationship involves two people.
Each with a different point of view. When one of you refuses to budge, it can cause hurt feelings and resentment. The art of compromise is especially valuable.
One, it shows that you’re open. Two, it shows that you love your partner and are willing to take a look at their needs. Three, your willingness to bend demonstrates that you can put your partner’s needs before yours.
What better way to strengthen your relationship? And isn’t that what you want?
Final Thoughts
Relationships can be challenging, but with the above 14 pieces of advice, you are making them less so.
You are presenting your partner with the best pieces of who you are, and in turn, making them feel loved and wanted.
You don’t need a Masters Degree to implement the above-mentioned simple techniques. All you need is the willingness to love yourself and your partner.
The rewards will be priceless; your relationship will be more enjoyable.